Today was about hanging on and hanging in.
The usual Sunday mix of chores, an afternoon movie thrown in, then to the gym for intervals. I was to increase the number of ‘fast’ intervals from 4 to 5, and decrease the rest time in between from 4 to 3 minutes. Still same incline – 13.0 and speed of 3.8 mph. Sounded do-able.
A nice bonus today was that my daughter came with me; usually our schedules refuse to align. Mind you, I didn’t speak to her til much later, due to the intense air-sucking I was doing on the treadmill. First 2 intervals – ok to fair.
All I can recall about the next 3 is – well, not much other than arms pumping away, head down, then grabbing the bar with a sweaty death grip before the 60 seconds were up, willing the speed and incline to lower as quickly as possible. Not really sure what happened – *no* gas in the tank whatsoever, and fumes just weren’t good enough today.
I felt defeated by something small – a mere minute, come on! Where was my long-haul strength? The marathon felt like it happened years ago, to someone else. And hitting the wall is supposed to happen at mile 20, not 5 minutes in.
Have I lost sight of the bigger picture as I gasp away on a treadmill, feeling as if I’d run 5 miles uphill in sweltering heat, when in reality, I’d walked fairly hard and sort of fast for a minute (well, less today) in a gym with ceiling fans?
How big and far away is true fitness, health, weight loss and well-being when a minute or two can smack me down like this? More to the point, do I want to keep going if everything gets boiled down to milliseconds and treadmill stats? Yes, yes, I see that I may have inflated a brief workout molehill into an Everest, but that’s where I was today.
Then angel girl said, ‘The way you felt today meant you were working hard, not failing. It must have been time to take it up a notch, and the fact that it didn’t go as easily as you thought means it’s probably producing the effect it’s supposed to, followed by ‘You’re doing really well, Mom!’ Or words to that effect – my brain was still oxygenating as I attempted a few stretches.
I was so grateful she was there, at that moment, on this day – and always. Thank you, Mags, for being the practical – and encouraging – voice of reason when I couldn’t find that for myself today.
I started thinking about the many people I’ve read about on the Camino who go and keep going and then go farther – because the path is, simply, still in front of them. Santiago is an important destination, certainly, but the only way to get there is walk the path, come what may.
I have been saying – over and over – this whole journey, and the Camino next year, is about ‘today’ as much as it’s about future goals, dreams, hopes. About many small steps now – fast ones and slower ones – that will carry me forward (ever onward), whether I always recognize what’s happening or understand that progress is being made.
Sorry to cite a cliche, but it’s a true one: “If it were easy, it wouldn’t be worth doing.”
Or, to paraphrase Nietzsche: “That which does not kill you makes you stronger.”
Or, to quote my favourite motivator (Jazzpants), “#gomamakatgo!”
That’s right mama. You keep at it! It’s only right when it feels so wrong (but in a good way).